Talk of the Town
by Ardent Ly
Summary: There’s a new game show in town and luckily, Kakashi has managed to find eight suckers –um, eight willing contestants to go along for the ride! Let’s see how well these couples know each other, shall we? Extremely suggestive.


Summary: There's a new game show in town and luckily, Kakashi has managed to find eight suckers –um, eight willing contestants to go along for the ride! Let's see how well these couples know each other, shall we?

_Disclaimer: I do not own _Naruto_ or any relating plots and characters. __**Nor do I own some of the situations being portrayed in this story. **_

Note: This story was inspired by a book my friend lent me, so if you've read it before, you'll probably be able to see the similarities between the two.

* * *

**Talk of the Town**

**by Ardent Ly**

* * *

"I'm going to kill you for this, dobe." Sasuke growled through gritting teeth. Beside him, both Shikamaru and Neji nodded solemnly at the blond boy, who had the gall to smile at them. The four elite ninjas sat together in a closed off area on the show platform, all trying to avoid the curious mumbling and stares from the growing audience. Thankfully for them, their area was dimmed, and while they could see the crowd, they could not see them.

"Hey, guys, lighten up!" Naruto chuckled nervously as the three geniuses began to pop their knuckles. "It'll be fun, I promise you! What's a few harmless questions, right? And Kakashi-sensei did say that there would be a wicked prize at the end of all this, so it's going to be _so_ worth it!"

Neji pinched the bridge of his nose, an ominous sign of an upcoming headache. "What, did he promise you a lifetime supply of ramen or something, Uzumaki?" He wondered to himself what his cousin saw in the loudmouth.

Naruto gasped. "Don't tell me he promised you the same thing, Neji!" The three groaned, all knowing full well that Naruto would cut off his own foot at the mention of free ramen. They were doomed.

"You call those questions _harmless_, Naruto?" Shikamaru scoffed, his infamous lazy expression on his face. "They might as well have asked us straight out what our favorite position was." The idle frown on his face was more prominent than ever, strangely enough suiting his handsome face.

"Position? What the hell? When did scouting positions get into this?" The demon container scratched his head, clearly confused. Luckily, his demon instincts heeded him to duck before his three comrades managed to swipe the back of his head.

"Just sit down, and shut up, Naruto." Sasuke ordered, arms crossed over his chest and clearly trying to maintain his stoic appearance. "Let's get this stupid game over with." He eyed the crowd as more and more seats began to fill up. He could see the rest of the members of the Konoha Eleven near the front, chatting and obviously very eager to see what the turn of events would be. His eyes narrowed further at the sight of the Sand siblings, Gaara looking accordingly uncaring while his brother and sister excitedly cheered and hollered for the show to get started.

He wasn't the only one who noticed. "Has the entire village showed up?" Neji asked with a growl.

Peering into the audience himself, Shikamaru sighed and slumped back into his seat. "How troublesome."

On the other side of the stage, just adjacent to them but far away enough to be ignorant of the men's conversation, the girls weren't having an easier time coming to terms with their situation either.

"What the hell are we doing here?" Ino demanded. She glared frightfully at a fan girl in the crowd who hooted and winked at Shikamaru. To his credit, her ninja didn't even bat a lash at her. Ino snarled and the girl wisely shrank back in her seat.

"Beats me," Tenten replied, twirling a kunai between her fingers. "What's this show called, anyways? I've never heard of it before."

Hinata opened her mouth to answer. "That's because it's a n-new show, Tenten-chan. They came here to Konoha to give it a t-test run."

"Oh? That's cool, I guess. How do you know?"

The shy girl's face heated instantly. "Um… because Naruto-kun was the o-one who signed us all up…" She began to twiddle with her fingertips. That little tidbit of information changed the air immediately.

"Oh, Kami-sama... why do I have a feeling this isn't going to end well?" Sakura moaned out, burying her face in hands.

"Because this was all _Naruto's_ idea, that's why!" Ino rose from her chair. She was just about to stomp over to the boys to give Naruto a piece of her mind when the room unexpectedly darkened.

"Good evening, Konoha!" The deep voice of a male announcer boomed through speakers. "Are you all ready to play _Kiss and Tell_?" The crowd went wild, screaming their excitement. ("_Kiss and Tell_? Really? That's the best the producers could come up with?" Ino snorted.) "Well then, put your hands together for your host, Hatake Kakashi!" The silver-haired copy nin walked out, dressed in a crisp suit but with his ever-present mask and headband concealing half of his face. Again, all the viewers cheered, some swooning giddily at the sight of his slightly unbuttoned shirt.

"Hey there, Konoha." He said casually in the microphone. The four male ninjas shivered in their seats as the fan girls began to cheer more violently. "Let's get down to business, hmm? We have here four of our most promising ANBU –" a spotlight struck them from where they were sitting. Naruto waved jovially into the camera. "– and their lovely girlfriends!" A twin ray of light hit the girls, all of whom froze in their place. Tensely, they all gave hesitant smiles.

Kakashi strolled over to their area. "Hey, ladies." He ignored the low threats they made, basking in the safety of being in public and in front of numerous cameras. "Before the show, we asked your boyfriends a series of–" he exaggerated a cough. "– _very_ important questions. We'll be asking you the exact same questions, and it's your job to match your answer with theirs." He gestured towards the blank cards and markers set in front of them. "Every match is worth five points, and the couple with the most points at the end wins our special prize! Simple right?" As expected, everyone cheered. "You ladies ready to play?"

Ignoring Lee's exuberant cry of, "Play on, my youthful friends, play on!", the girls glanced at each other and then at their boyfriends. Their winged brows arched when they found that all but Naruto had his head down, cheeks flushed lightly with heat and clearly avoiding eye contact.

_It's just a bunch of questions, right? How bad can it be? _Gulping, Sakura turned towards her former leader. "We're ready," she answered on all of their behalf.

Behind his mask, Kakashi smiled like the cat that got the cream. "Alright then, ladies," his words cued in the dramatic music. "First question – which one of these rooms would your boyfriend say is the most used room in your house? The bathroom, the living room, the kitchen, or the bedroom? We'll give you a few minutes."

The insinuation rang as clear as a bell. The girls' jaws dropped.

"Are you fucking _kidding_ me?" Ino screeched in a whisper.

Tenten rubbed her temples. "Our respect as proud kunoichi is going straight down the toilet with the stupid game." Her hands inched closer to her weapons pouch, her nervous tick.

Sakura addressed the blushing Hinata. "Once those cameras are off, I'm going to strangle your boyfriend," she swore.

"Ladies? Do you have your answers?" Hurriedly, they scribbled their responses on the provided cards, anxious and with splashes of red on their faces.

"Alright! Let's see what you all came up with! We'll go to you first, Yamanaka Ino. What did you write down?"

"This prize better damn well be worth it," Ino grumbled before revealing her card.

"'Living room!' Variety really is the spice of life, eh, Ino?" The crowd hooted with laughter as the poor girl face blushed up to her roots.

The three others beside her laughed along. "Seriously? Sorry, Pig, but it looks like I'm never coming over again!"

Kakashi directed a brilliantly cheesy smile towards the cameras. "What did you put down, Nara Shikamaru?" The lazy boy flipped up his card.

"' Troublesome'?!" Ino shrieked, looking as if she were moments away from flicking her own card at him. "What the hell, Shika! I want to win that prize, dammit!" The spectators roared with more laughter.

The first question was a definite bust for the couples; with the only ones managing to match up were Naruto and Hinata. "Where else can you make ramen?" He had commented out loud. The audience immediately believed it to have a double meaning and emitted in tear-dropping laughter. Neji closed his eyes in disgust as he tried to block out all of the mental pictures of the things that occurred between the idiot and his cousin in their kitchen. Ugh.

On the other side of the stadium, his dumpling-haired girlfriend was still mortified over his haughty answer ("'All of the above'?! Oh great, now everyone's going to think we're a bunch of sex maniacs!") and the back of Sakura's neck, now washed red, clashed horribly with her hair at the sight of Sasuke's smartass picture of two stick figures going at it in the shower ("That son of a bitch... that was _one_ time!")

"Great job, Naruto and Hinata! That's five points for you guys. The rest of you ladies better step up your game if you want to win. Are you all ready for the next question?" Knowing they had no other choice but bear it, they nodded. "Excellent! Your next question is – which of these four courses does your boyfriend think you like best? The appetizer, the side dish, the main course, or dessert?"

Sakura's bottle-green eyes widened in disbelief. "These questions just keep getting better and better," she commented sourly.

"I swear I'm going to cut your sensei's balls off, Sakura-chan." Tenten eyed Kakashi as he chuckled quietly to himself, obviously enjoying their discomfort way too much. They bent their heads as they wrote on their cards.

"What did you ladies manage to come up with? We'll start with you, Tenten. Show us what you put down!" Grudgingly, the weapons mistress flipped up her card, revealing the words _main course_ in big bold lettering. With a slight smirk on his face, Neji uncovered his card.

"'Main course'! Good job, you two! That's five points!" Kakashi and the audience politely applauded.

"This game isn't so bad," Tenten said in a smug tone.

Both the blonde and the pinkette glared at her. "Traitor."

"Sakura! You're next. Show us your answer!" Her eyes narrowed at her sensei's happy-go-lucky attitude. Bastard. "Another 'main course'! So this is what you kids do when you're not training, huh?" Sakura lowered herself in her seat as a camera zoomed in on her card. "Sasuke?"

With a look of mild irritation, he held up his own answer. His girlfriend snorted in an unladylike fashion. "'Dessert'? You wish!" Almost instantly, she covered her gaping mouth, mortified at what she had just revealed on national television. She could hear the Godaime howling with laughter somewhere in the darken crowd. "That's my girl!" She could've sworn she heard.

"Looks like _you_ better step up _your_ game, teme!" Naruto crowed. Sasuke glared darkly at him, his normally dark eyes flashing crimson.

They continued the game with both Ino and Hinata matching up and gaining points. "'Appetizer'? I always thought you'd be too lazy to bother with foreplay." Kakashi had remarked in surprise to a pleased looking shadow-wielder.

The game got more and more heated as the questions kept flying and the suggestiveness of each situation didn't lighten in the least. Despite that, the timid Hinata was in the lead, managing to correctly answer five of the seven questions. Ino and Tenten were contented with fifteen points each and Sakura a sad five. If she didn't know the Hyuuga heiress so well, Sakura would've been convinced that Hinata was using her Kekkei Genkai to gather Naruto's answers.

"This is hardly fair," the medic grumbled as she failed to win another around. "Sasuke-kun and I have only been going out for a month!" Her inner persona, which held the more competitive side of her, had to agree. What did these questions have to do with relationships anyways? They were embarrassing ("What would your boyfriend say is your favorite drink to order whenever you go out? A screwdriver, a sloe comfortable screw against the wall, an orgasm, or a sex on the beach?") and frankly, just plain stupid (Which of these Olympic sports would your boyfriend say he's most likely to win a gold metal in? The hundred-yard dash, the marathon, shot put, or the pole vault?"). The pink-capped girl sent a lasting glower at Sasuke, and had looks been able to kill, the poor man would've keeled over and died already.

"Okay, ladies, we're nearing the end of our game," a dejected – and probably genuine – "aww" went off in the stands. "But there is a chance for you slackers to redeem yourselves." Kakashi looked pointedly at his former student. She growled and had to bite her lip to keep from snapping at him. "This question will be worth twenty-five points, so right now, it's anybody's game. You all ready? The last question we asked your lovely boyfriends was – what color are the panties do they think you were wearing right now? What do you think they answered?"

The girls' eyes widened incredulously. "Great, they didn't even bother covering up the innuendos anymore." Tenten moaned. Ino huffed, obviously annoyed, while Sakura was tending to a pale-looking Hinata.

"I'm definitely killing your boyfriend now, Hinata-chan." Sakura swore while fanning the girl's heated face.

"Girlfriends! What're your answers?" Their eyes narrowing, they snatched up their cards.

_This is an easy one,_ Sakura thought, tapping on the surface of her card. She and Sasuke were spending some "quality time" together before they got dragged over, and she knew that he had been watching her as she got dressed. It was a guaranteed win!

Tenten revealed hers first. "'Purple'! Did you two match up?" Neji flipped up his own card, grudgingly revealing his answer of _green_. "Oh, that's too bad. Looks like you two won't be our lucky winners tonight. Let's see if your teammates had any luck."

"'Yellow', hmm, that's interesting," their perverted host commented on Ino's answer. "I always took you as the blue-panties kind of girl. Shikamaru?" The lazy ninja flipped up his card, looking almost as if he were about to fall asleep. "'Blue'! Looks like I'm not the only one. Hinata?"

The poor girl was so flushed by that time that she had pulled her hood up to hide her embarrassment. "' Red'! There's another one I didn't see coming, that's for sure. Naruto? And I'd watch what you're about to say, boy, if you catch my drift." Kakashi said, indicating to a cold-faced Neji who held a shuriken apprehensively in his hand.

Nervously, Naruto flipped over his card. "'White'! Good answer, kid, but I'm afraid you didn't match up. And last, but not least, Sakura! I hope you got this one; it's your last chance to win. Sakura, show us your answer!" The dramatic beat of drums was added in and Sakura rolled her eyes at the idiocy of it all.

"'Black'! Going for the sultry, sexy look, eh? There was this one edition of _Icha Icha Paradise_ where –" He was immediately cut off by a fervent glare from the producer, who tapped his wrist to indicate their tight schedule. "Ahem, erm, anyways, Sasuke, this is your last chance, so let's see what you put down!"

With a suspicious smirk on his face, Sasuke presented his card. "'Beige'?"

Ino snorted and did nothing to hide the amused grin on her face. "Granny panties, Forehead? I thought I taught you better than that." Tenten chuckled heartily while Hinata allowed herself a small giggle. A vein throbbed on Sakura's forehead, emphasizing its oversized length.

"Care explain yourself here, Sasuke?" Kakashi's single visible twinkled in unconcealed hilarity.

The heir merely shrugged a shoulder. "It was a faulty question, so I had to get as close as I could."

"Faulty?" There was no denying the skepticism in his former sensei's tone.

His smirk grew impossibly larger. "Well, it would assume she's wearing any panties in the first place." It only took a second for his hot words to sink in before the crowd of both ninja and civilian alike roared in uncontained laughter. His girlfriend's jaw dropped in mortification.

"Well, there you have it folks," Kakashi managed to spit out in between howls of laughter. "Our winners for the day are Naruto and Hinata! Let's give them their well-deserved prize." With a sweep of his hand, a curtain on the side fell to the floor revealing–

"Ramen!" Naruto jumped from his seat towards the towering pyramid of stacked ramen cups. "This is a dream come true! I-I don't know what to say!" There were stars in his eyes.

"Well, that's the end of our show! Join us next time as we gather a new bunch to play _Kiss and Tell_! Goodnight, Konoha!" Kakashi signed off, then taking his leave quickly and running backstage. He tried hard to ignore the sound of cracking knuckles coming from behind him.

Up in the control booth, the other three team leaders were doubled over laughter. "Who would've thought our kids would be such sex fiends?" Asuma howled, nearly choking on the cigarette resting between his lips.

Kurenai was bent over, hands on her knees in a sorry attempt to keep herself standing. Tears threatened to spill from the corner of her eyes. "This is killing me! I've never laughed so hard in my life!"

"The youthfulness within our students is surely very lively!" Gai chortled along. "When do you think we should tell them that is was all a hoax?"

A sudden thumping pattern caught their attention, halting their laughter almost instantly. They all looked wearily at the door. Though they were unsure of where it came from, the irrepressible shivers that ran down their spines warned them that it was a threat. A rather dangerous threat at that. The three leaders reached into their pouches and readied themselves. Without warning, the door burst open, sending splinters of wood in their direction. They all swallowed visibly.

At the doorway stood a livid Sakura, whose eyes burned with a promise of pain and dragged along a discouraged Kakashi by fisting his shirt. "Good going, guys. Way to blow our cover."

The moral of this story, kids, is to always have a specialist present when attempting to man the controls. Otherwise, you might forget to turn down the microphone.

* * *

I hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! It was so much fun, and I have to admit that it took me longer than I thought to write it out because of all the times I just stopped to laugh about it. This is dedicated to all of the readers and reviewers of my first-ever series, _Dirty Discoveries_. Thank you guys so much for all of your support! **Please don't forget to review! **(I had a joke about how reviews are like silk panties, but now I can't remember it for the life of me. A shame.)

P.S. Did anybody catch me advertising another one of my stories in here? Haha shameless of me, I know :P But a starving writer's gotta do what starving writer's gotta do!

**~Ardie out!**


End file.
